Sunday, January 09, 2005

my imagination

it always feels like it's my imagination when guys are hitting on me. case in point, last night i met a guyfriend at a bar to catch up & he brought his roommate. i knew that it wasn't a date with my friend & thought nothing of it, eventually sitting at the 'guys table' with 3 guys & myself (ie- guyfriend, guyfriend's roommate & my ex). always have, always will be able to keep up with the boys in conversation and despite not knowing the roomie, we traded jibes between ourselves and the other two with regularity.
this is where the problem lies. knowing my ex's behavior, i could tell he was making overtures bordering on the flirtatious & two months later, despite my best efforts, i was still not over him. at this time, the roommate is well on his way to being incapacitated (not in any annoying way but just enough so that I disbelieve him). he would get this look of awe and tell me that he was in trouble about at least half of everything i said referencing art, music, a good vocabulary (he used the word 'metallurgist' & spelled it for me, how many people do that in polite conversation?) by the time the band started playing he was telling me he had a huge crush on me & i knew the ex was getting a little annoyed but it wasn't his place to call me on it. all my girlfriends kept telling me to go for it & at closing he pulled me away from the group to give me a goodbye kiss. just glad the ex didn't see that, though he may have been told by the others because i left a couple minutes later, not seeing him to say goodbye.
so the reason for posting this overview of the evening's events is to pose this question to any possible readers: should i move to arkansas? no, the real question is, what is wrong with me that some nice, charming, intelligent guy hits on me & i want nothing more than to take back my ex who broke my heart repeatedly last year? weak, so weak.

"I get all my bad habits, watching you; it's true" ---Michael Tolcher


At 1/13/05, 12:04 PM, Blogger amo said...

not weak, my dear. just not ready.

and you could always move to chi-town!


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