resilience

he said, "it seems like it's been a really long time..."

"since what?" i asked, knowing full well what he meant.

"since we broke up," he shrugged.

i held up all the fingers on one hand. "five months! it's been 5 months."

"it has?" he seemed shocked. "i guess it actually has been a long time."

then i headbutted him.

really, i did. but rather gently. quite mature for a 29 year old, i know. this conversation happened immediately after discussing the fact that s wants me in his life, that above all this confusion & depression that's been muddling up his brain, i am important to him & he realizes that. not just in some vague "i care about you because you're a good person" kind of way. "i love you & can't imagine not having you in my life because i've been an idiot" or else why would i still spend all this time with you?"
i can't say that this is going to be easy. the past months have been torture & my heart is too tender to completely jump back into the fray without some sense of hesitance. i know that it wasn't his intention to hurt me, but he did all the same. and now he has to be aware of his actions in the future. it's not like the depression, the ptsd, is just going to disappear. i know it doesn't work like that, but he can be accountable. if he is the man i believe him to be, he will get through this, every day. and i will still be here for him, every day.