the air up here

we're on the 30th floor here at the sheraton & about 9 times out of ten when we step on the elevator to get to our room, my ears pop. apparently the altitude is too high for me.
blogher has both surprised and disappointed me. along with bringing me to tears, making me laugh until my sides hurt (& tears run down my face), intimdated and inspired me. writing is such a tortuous experience for me. this probably explains why i haven't so much as touched my book since december even though it needs major tweaks and editing.
yesterday was great fun and the keynote speakers, every last one, were incredible. i'm still feeling a bit squiffy about handing out my cards to people, be they 'famous' or completely unknown to me. there's the idea that has wormed its way into my subconscious after years of inferiority complex that i am not worthy (ala wayne's world) & i don't know if i want anyone reading/judging my whinging. this was part of the discussion in the lifeblogging session yesterday afternoon: basically why do you have to justify your posts when they are addressing your life? and yet, i feel the need to do it. it's probably a large part of the self-deprecating humor that i've used as a protective shield for as long as i can remember. (not that there's anything wrong with things like sarcasm; i enjoy it in other people but there's a fine line you can cross so easily with a slip of the tongue.)
i honestly need to get over this and i also need to be more diligent in writing either on the first book or even get back to doing the researching/writing on the second one. we shall see how this goes once i get home tomorrow. life has changed immensely with s moving in so maybe i can dedicate more time to other important aspects of my life that i've neglected lately.