Tuesday, January 18, 2005


i have a secret.

in all honesty, i have quite a few secrets. some things are withheld from certain people for specific reasons, such as to keep from hurting them. and other things, especially one, is currently kept from all but one person. but i'd like to change things, not be so closed off & unwilling to share. okay, so sometimes i share way too much with some people, but that's not exactly what i mean. first i'd like to start being more honest with myself. it's probably the only way to make that next step.
i once jokingly told a friend 'you can lie to yourself all you want; just tell us the truth.' she was having trouble admitting her fear about going to grad school, whether or not it was the right choice for her. at the moment, i'm so afraid. afraid that i'll make the wrong choice and things won't turn out the way i want them to, afraid of being completely honest with myself, afraid to let other people in on my secrets. afraid of being hurt. again. simply because i love someone.

i think it starts with me. today is a good day to be strong. tomorrow's looking good, too.

"So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for You
Would You please speak to me" ---Ten Shekel Shirt


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