Wednesday, January 19, 2005

baby steps

somewhere between yesterday & today i got lost. last night was a terrible night. you know the kind where you wake up at 3:30 in the morning and can't get back to sleep despite your best efforts? then it's time to wake up & you're so weak from exhaustion that you can barely get yourself ready for work. being so tired that you want to cry. yeah, that was last night.
as per yesterday's blog, i was all set to be strong. i want to be. but last night's events (or non-event as the case may be) shattered all of that. maybe i'm just not ready to jump quite yet.
there are a lot of things going on in my life that i haven't told anyone about & just when i feel like i'm going to be able to work past them, it all comes crashing down on my head. the most infuriating part of it all is having someone tell you that they're 'just trying to do the best thing for both of us'. where does my input belong in a situation like that? the decision has already been made & i have no say.
well, it should be fairly obvious to even the most casual observer that my life is not in my hands. apparently, control is not something i'm meant to have. and the one thing i can count on in this world is the abiding presence of G-d. maybe He'll let me steer every once in a while.
prayers for my sanity are always appreciated.

"Every hello seems to echo goodbye. A permanently temporary love. Slowly realizing maybe love isn't enough... The time we had it was barely a time to begin..." ---Christopher Jak


At 1/21/05, 10:53 AM, Blogger amo said...

praying for you and your sanity, mar.


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