Friday, May 23, 2008

sleeping alone

yesterday i was so tired at the end of the day because of the infusion on wednesday. s called in the afternoon to ask a question & i asked if i could take a nap on his cushy bed right after work, before he went out gaming. sure, come right on over. i think i made the walk home the fastest i ever have without actually running. when i got there, he told me to lay down, so i cuddled into the soft, dark bliss of his mattress. a relaxing 25 minutes later i got up because he planned to leave at 6. instead he told me i could stay & offered me back his extra key. over a month ago he asked for it back because his mom needed to use it. i gladly took it.
yesterday he'd taken a 'mental health day' from work & when he told me i was struck by how much he needed someone there. i came back about 9.30pm and he was already home. i asked if i could stay for the night, just to sleep. yes, of course. when he finally came in to bed, i told him that i got the feeling he needed someone to hold him. he agreed.
i really hope he slept well last night. i know i did.

edit~last friday we had a really intense talk in which s explained that he has told me more than anyone else about what's going on in his life, emotionally, more than his best friend or his therapist even. tears were shed on both sides. i wish there was something more i could do to help him, but i can only be here, just like he's here for me whenever i need him.

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