Sunday, February 10, 2008

i am broken-it's over

last night, after dinner & a dvd, s told me it was over. we've officially been together for 15 months, which is an eternity for me with relationships, the longest i've ever had. him too. i felt as though i was living in a nightmare. i just wanted to wake up, for everything to be back to normal. now, nothing ever will be.
if i can wrap my mind around it properly, he doesn't know where tomorrow is going to take him, let alone next week, month or year. and he doesn't want to date me for three years, only to break up with me after all that time. what does that mean? it's not like i wanted to jump into matrimony this very second. even at 29, i'm not ready for that. yes, i wanted to live together, but not if he wasn't ready for it yet. he was the one who brought it up last year in the first place. i know that he's had trouble lately finding his way through life in general & his place in the world. but who hasn't had a quarter-life crisis? least of all everything he's been through.
and i can't stop the tears from rolling down my face. i don't know how to pick up my life from here. i've never been so truly happy and my real self around anyone before. how do you go 'back' to being just friends when you never really started that way in the first place? what am i supposed to do now?

please know i may not respond immediately to comments. this is all just too difficult to comprehend at this moment.

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4 Comments:

At 2/10/08, 5:34 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said...

I'm so sorry, sweet girl. I have no advice or anything, just wanted to let you know I'm here.

 
At 2/11/08, 2:50 PM, Blogger jacks said...

Oh, M! I'm here, too, if you need me.

 
At 2/12/08, 10:34 AM, Blogger ann-marie said...

oh, marmar, i'm so sorry. i'm praying for you. :(

 
At 2/13/08, 9:19 PM, Blogger Suzanne said...

God, I am so sorry to hear this. I'm with Suebob.

 

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