Tuesday, March 29, 2005

telly omen

watching scrubs tonight & dr kelso said 'anything in life worth having is never easy'. it hit particularly home for me at this moment. that very thought has been mentioned in previous postings & especially the fact that it was coupled by howie day's 'collide' in the background. i take this to heart.

"Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find, you & I collide." ---Howie Day

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


my life is full of happy coincidences. they happen to me all the time and it's now a fairly regular happenstance in my day-to-day existence. par exemple, just this past month a couple things occurred that fit into this pattern. i've previously mentioned running into e, a college friend i hadn't seen in 2 years at a random concert. i didn't even know he was in iowa, let alone chance to be in my town & at the same concert i was attending. and last week i received 2 job offers & accepted one in radiology only to find out that my landlady used to work in that department for 16 years & knew my soon-to-be boss. there are so many more instances, such as leaving work early to go to the pharmacy & finding my friend a leaving campus for the day & parked one car away when i had just had lunch with his ex-gf.
are these normal events for everyone else? people seem to be surprised by the frequency with which i am confronted by these situations. i stopped recording them years ago because it was almost too much to keep track. but it can't be just me because it is partially the basis of james redfield's the celestine prophecy & the tenth insight, enjoyable books i wouldn't mind revisiting some time soon.

"And so it is, Just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me, Most of the time. And so it is, The shorter story, No love, no glory." ---Damien Rice

Sunday, March 20, 2005

how do i love thee?

let me count the ways (in no specific order):

1) your laughter & ability to make me laugh
2) your wit & intelligence
3) your social conscience
4) your tenderness & patience with me
5) your love for your family
6) your honesty (even when it hurts)
7) your abiding love & appreciation for music (which may even be greater than mine)
8) the fact that i could talk to you & no one else for the rest of my life & never get bored
9) the way you correct people who mispronounce my name
10) your beautiful eyes & the sincerity i see in them
11) the way you held my hand or kissed my forehead
12) how my heart smiles whenever i think about you

...and i could go on adding to this list forever, but i won't for the sake of my small audience.

"Accidentally in love." ---Counting Crows

Friday, March 18, 2005

time travel

when i first went to work for mci, k received an e-mail from someone requesting the schematics for a time machine. see, they had come from the future & needed to repair their time machine with equipment available in 2003. as it was well-known in this chronological wanderer's era that mci had this advanced knowledge, he sent a query to online customer service. how very wise of him.
i've been thinking about travel today & my past travels. the last trip i took (not counting the hour to the casino with work last weekend) was to nashvegas over thanksgiving. and before that i went home for b's graduation in may, then nash a year ago this week. seems my ability to fulfill my wanderlust has diminished significantly. part of this is the result of a lack of funds & free time to indulge my oft times unplanned jaunts to assorted locales. another factor is my hibernal tendencies over the past year. it's an almost oppressive desire to stay at home lest i miss something. what, i don't know. (okay, maybe i know a little.) i guess there's a time and a place for everything. perhaps now is just my homebody stage. when i was younger (early 20s), i went to england, italy, israel, germany, netherlands, poland, czech republic, greece. fascinating & i loved every second of it.
so i seem destined to spend my days voyaging through the travels of my past rather than seeing the world up close. i wonder if the aforementioned time traveler is still stuck here, looking for his way home.

"Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house Maybe you'll think of me and smile." --- Warren Zevon

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


i just received one of the nicest inadvertent compliments. my two coworker pals (not for long) & i went outside to enjoy the balmy weather while they were testing the fire alarms in our office. wanting to be tall for once (& avoid getting mud on my new argyle shoes, sweet!) i stood on the picnic table. g lamented the fact that they would have to insert a new dynamic into our little triumvirate since i'm abandoning them next week & s decided to pick up the table i was standing on in order to knock me off. wondering aloud how much the picnic table could possibly weigh (sans me on top of it), g said 'oh, about 40 pounds. around 100 with you on it.' letting out a terse laugh, i, never considering myself a lightweight, told him to add at least another hundred. after all, i weigh one-fifty. he looked at me pointedly denying that i could weigh that much, unless it's all muscle. nope, 149 at the doctor's office a week ago and those scales never lie (unless you weigh too much, then they're always off). he said he'd never have guessed it, but then, i do pilates, right? 120, he says. it's sad that that makes me feel so good. but the best compliment was the offhand remark that they would have trouble replacing me when i'm gone. physical compliments are one thing, but having a hot body does not a delightful personality make. i've got the best of both worlds. ;) there goes a big chunk of 'fat girl syndrome', as i call it. balm to my soul.

"I got my high heels, boots of steel, My lipstick to kiss and kill; I'm following through on something new That isn't about you." ---Leona Naess

Monday, March 14, 2005


feel like I'm in high school again. last week both l & a asked me if I was going to j's birthday party on saturday & i hadn't been invited. so basically i was excluded from the whole thing because i wasn't about to crash the party when neither j nor b had told me about it. not the point that they both attended my birthday festivities a month ago. i even have pictures of it up in my cubicle. but i guess i'm not worth enough effort for them to invite.
why do i let people do this to me? there are times when i think i'm so close to getting over the ostracism i experienced in the olden days, but i still let it hurt me when it happens all over again.

"She was just a shell in the sand. If you weren't too careful, she'd slip right through your hand." --- Blu Sanders

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


well, it's the small changes, isn't it? i've been trying to work with this whole html thing, so if there's anyone out there who actually checks out this page, let me know what you think. if there's something you'd like to see, tell me how to do it.
thanks for the help amo. that is all.

"Maybe I'm wrong, but what if I'm right?" ---Ingram Hill

Friday, March 04, 2005


mmmmmm, curry! i adore a good curry & went to a place called thai moon for lunch today. only one coworker left in the office with me, so we decided to party since the others left town with us holding down the fort. s is fun times, always good conversation, even if he does have a dozen nicknames for me (sweet tater, cutie, twister, satan, etc).
a conversation about friendship was broached on another blog yesterday and i was thinking how appreciative i am of the people i consider my friends. for instance, s is a coworker & we've only known each other since we started working here in november. but we've had this jesting attitude since nearly the beginning. then there's t; i was at his place on wednesday night, just watching a movie & fixing drinks. he's been a friend for over a year now, as incredible as that seems and i can recall how we clicked from our first meeting at work. he is solid & i cherish having him in my life. he grounds me sometimes & i think that i surprise him with some of my opinions, despite some generalizations he has about women. a came over yesterday with my kitty-nephew to see if i was free to watch them next week & she was another person who i formed an immediate attachment. all these when i went out of my way to initiate the connection, rather than wait for everyone to seek me out.
friends are a precious commodity in my life, but i now realize, unlike in high school & some of college, they are not people with whom i need to curry favor. the people who are truly my friends don't need me around as a go'fer to fetch and carry, placate them by agreeing with their opinions. there was a time where i felt that was necessary to retain my friendships. i finally comprehend how one-sided that behavior can be & see it much more clearly in past relationships i've had and even worse, in current attachments some friends of mine cultivate with other people. i want to open their eyes to the revelation that they deserve more than that. they are equal partners in the relationship. and yet it took me so long to that conclusion on my own. it's in their time, like so many other things that are out of my hands.

"Life has brought us here together to remind us that love will rise above it all and just keep growing. Life keeps flowing, and every moment starts right here with us" ---Mason Jennings

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


just like the beatles' song, i need somebody. really, if any of you who stumble across this would be so kind. the thing is, i'd like to make some adjustments to my sidebar and know absolutely nothing of code. the only thing i managed to figure out on my own was how to add a counter, but i can't seem to find a help section here that lets me add things such as links, favorites, quotes. I definitely want quotes. a blog that i read on occasion (but don't actually know the owner) randomly generates a new quote every time you refresh the page. that, i would love to do with my old (& soon to be made more current) quotebook.
if you take pity on me, i'll buy you a beverage of your choice if you're ever in town. pwease.

"And I hope your friends are many And your laughter's always loud" ---Will Hoge

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