Thursday, February 28, 2008

across the pond

well, here i am bloggin from london. i've already wanted to throttle my mother at least half a dozen times (& i'm sure she feels the same about me).
after a hectic & stressful flight out of iowa (my original flight was cancelled, we almost got in an accident on the way to the airport-only 26 cars in the ditch- then i had to connect through detroit & had 10 minutes to get from terminal C29 to A3-go check it out) i finally made it to nyc, took a taxi to suzanne's place & walked around in the rain until we found a nice kosher deli. at least i got to meet suzanne! thanks so much for dinner. you're soo adorable in person & you've got a great apartment!
our flight to london was pretty uneventful, but last night trying to find the shuttle my mum had reserved to get us to the hotel about killed me. she had almost no information about it & kept changing her mind which direction we should go. first this way, ten steps later, let's try that way. i'd want to pull out my hair, but it seems to be falling out anyway. that's what happened today too. she'd change her mind half a dozen times. let's eat at that cafe, no i think the booths by the eye will be about the same, wait, why don't we grab something at a tesco? no, we should walk over to trafalgar sq. finally we ended up at the lovely crypt in st martin's. yum!
anyway, today we woke up late-ish (8am), ate the hotel provided breakfast & took the tube from euston over to o2 where the tut exhibit is housed. it was pretty freezing out. not compared to iowa, of course, but since it was 50 when we got in last night... and the o2 was even colder because there's a skating rink in there. the exhibit was pretty cool, nothing new, but fun to see the things up close. not the famous sarchophagus, though, but some other beautiful pieces.
we then tubed it back to waterloo & got tickets for the eye, then our little lunch tiff, finally lunch at st martin's & wrote some postcards and back to the eye. after i finish up w/ my blogging we'll head back to the hotel to change & see 'wicked'.
ta-ta for now!

Labels: ,

Monday, February 25, 2008

on my way

weather permitting, i'm heading to nyc tomorrow! to meet suzanne! and i haven't seen my mum since september. if it weren't for the raining and now giant snowflakes, my flight should leave at 7am. i'm heading over to s' place now until he drives me to the airport. i just hope the roads aren't too bad when he drives back. 70 miles one-way is a pain at 4am with or without icy roads.
if i have the chance i'll try to post while i'm away. ta-ta everyone!

Labels: ,

Saturday, February 23, 2008


this is incredibly exhausting. i could definitely use a vacation. oh wait, i am going on one! the weather's looking grim, but we should make it to nyc on tuesday. it'll be a long two days until mum & i get to london on wednesday night. then we're going to cram in a whole bunch of cultural junk and eating. i realize london isn't exactly noteworthy for food, but i've never had high tea or fish and chips. time to indulge. i even got a recommendation for tea from a london butler. we also have to hit an indian restaurant and my old dutch. there's the tut exhibit, the eye, three plays, the national gallery
i'm pretty much packed. only a couple bits & bobs like my toothbrush and wallet left to pack away. that's a first. i usually end up waiting until the wee hours of the day i leave. maybe that'll make it less nerve-wrackig. plus, i'll be away from s. i know i'm going to miss him dreadfully, but maybe he'll miss me too.
well, i've got some cupcakes to frost & a party to go to. more later when i have something else to write about.

Labels: ,

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

it's getting better; isn't it?

yesterday at work i had such a hard time not tearing up throughout the day. s had to return something i'd left at his apartment (as he said 'these tiny trousers don't fit me!'), so while i was making dinner last night i texted him to see when he was going to drop them off. and if he wanted dinner. so he came over & ate a 3/4 cooked meal. oops!
i asked if he was sure we could actually be friends, since he needs to not be in a relationship right now. he thinks it's fine & i've been having a more difficult time on the days i haven't heard anything from him. i can at least get through the day otherwise. i know that's needy & i'm sorry to admit to all my great friends out there, but he's been the closest friend i've had for the past year. you may think it's weird that we're friends (my mom included) & i don't intend to get my hopes up. i do know he misses me.
of course, he forgot the pants last night. i was gonna grab them after work today & drop off a dvd, but s called & said he'd pick me up since it was 40 below (almost). in the car, i asked him if there was ever any chance he'd want to make out with me again some time in the future. he laughed & said yes. i could've phrased it differently, but asking him if there's a chance for us would've been too difficult to choke out. i don't expect to have him back any time soon, if ever, but we know each other too well to lose this friendship.
i'll try not to post anymore about this, so you don't have to read about it anymore. hopefully i'll have a chance to post from london next week!

Labels: ,

Sunday, February 17, 2008

one week

i thought maybe it'd be a little better by now. wednesday, thursday & friday were okay because i either saw or talked with s. not that i didn't cry over it because i seem to be able to keep my composure around anyone else but him. not seeing him at all makes me more miserable than seeing him. the thought of losing him entirely overwhelms me. yeah, yeah, i'll survive. strong woman, whatever. i just don't see why i'd want to.
last night at the bar with some friends who just got back into town. s stopped by & i got a ride home as the icestorm was just starting up. it worries me, seeing him nearly as pained as i am, but not letting me in. i don't know who's helping him through this. he just says that he can't be in a relationship with anyone right now, not more than friends. i wish he could understand that it's not always easy, but that's the time you have to work harder, together. i don't know, maybe my fairytale-my happy ending isn't to be. i hope that's not the case because he's worth every ounce of this pain i'm feeling right now; he's worth fighting for.

and i'm still not up to talking about this in any other medium than written. i'd just be incoherent.

and on the topic of one week, i'll be leaving in about a week. looking forward to meeting suzanne (of cuss), seeing nyc, going back to london & theatre (we've got tix to wicked & spamalot, plus one more not yet chosen play), not to mention the food. how i love me some food! my friend n has asked for bizarre british treats, so i'll see what i can smuggle back. also, i have to hit up at least one of the lush stores. i need to restock. there goes the idea of only carry-on luggage!
but back to work for me. apologies for all the angst, but that's my life.

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

barely getting by

somehow i've been able to fake my way through the work day. i highly doubt it's because i have hidden acting talent. when i walk through the door of my apartment at night, i break into body-wracking sobs that i've held in all day long. it's horrible.

and it's only been 3 days.

Labels: ,

Monday, February 11, 2008

too bad you can't call in to work with a shattered heart. what's that brittle bone disease, osteogenesis imperfecta? is there a cardiogenesis imperfecta? i guess it'd just be that broken heart syndrome, stress cardiomyopathy.

"am i gonna be lonely for the rest of my life? ... unless you come around ... i'm dressed all in blue and i'm rememberin' you.." ---rhett miller

Labels: ,

Sunday, February 10, 2008

i am broken-it's over

last night, after dinner & a dvd, s told me it was over. we've officially been together for 15 months, which is an eternity for me with relationships, the longest i've ever had. him too. i felt as though i was living in a nightmare. i just wanted to wake up, for everything to be back to normal. now, nothing ever will be.
if i can wrap my mind around it properly, he doesn't know where tomorrow is going to take him, let alone next week, month or year. and he doesn't want to date me for three years, only to break up with me after all that time. what does that mean? it's not like i wanted to jump into matrimony this very second. even at 29, i'm not ready for that. yes, i wanted to live together, but not if he wasn't ready for it yet. he was the one who brought it up last year in the first place. i know that he's had trouble lately finding his way through life in general & his place in the world. but who hasn't had a quarter-life crisis? least of all everything he's been through.
and i can't stop the tears from rolling down my face. i don't know how to pick up my life from here. i've never been so truly happy and my real self around anyone before. how do you go 'back' to being just friends when you never really started that way in the first place? what am i supposed to do now?

please know i may not respond immediately to comments. this is all just too difficult to comprehend at this moment.

Labels: ,

Friday, February 08, 2008

miracle drug

so after nearly two weeks of aches and pains, i had my remicade infusion on thursday morning. omigoodness! i didn't even need to take an ibuprofen for the rest of the day. by the time i got home from work, besides being sleepy from the benadryl they made me take, i almost felt normal again. wow! i am so glad that worked because i don't think i could've taken much more of the inability to just live life day-to-day. i could barely dress myself. s had to help me pull up my pants last friday because my wrists hurt so badly. if that doesn't tell you how bad off i was, i don't know what.
but now i'm better. yay! and this should last at least 6 or 7 weeks, if not eight until the next infusioin. yippee!

Labels: , ,

Friday, February 01, 2008

arthur & bruce

ever met the itis brothers? i have.
that was one of my grandma's favourite jokes. oh, i love(d) that woman.
arthritis & bursitis. yay!
as of monday, my joints have been in excruciating pain. do you have any idea how often you use your shoulders? sure, your wrists are useful for moving those things that dangle off the ends of your arms, but your shoulders do quite a bit too. especially when you're trying desperately not to use them. mmmm, washing your hair or taking off your shirt is scream-inducing when you can't exactly move your arms above your head. not that screaming relieves any of the pain. oh no, not your joints that feel like big balls of pain.
last night i couldn't sleep for the hurting. i called the urgentcare clinic this morning when i got to work & they set me up for 10.20am. the doctor who saw me said he could tell i was hurting & said he wanted to do steroid injections into my worst joints (shoulders, wrists, knee & ankle). i politely declined, since he also offered a pill option to try out first. yeah, not scared about needles, but i've heard steroid injections can hurt too. hopefully things will be better by next thursday when i have my 8 week infusion. today was 7 weeks since the last one & i guess my body is in need of the next one.
in fact, i've decided that i love my elbows because they're the only ones, thus far, that don't ache or hurt.

Labels: , , ,

Free Web Site Counter