outlook: not so good

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the e-mail program. But luckily, I'm also not talking about S's dad's prognosis. Even though he's not doing so well on the chemo and they've had to reduce the dosage. The daily radiation is fine and hopefully will see results.
The problem is that his former employer has disputed his unemployment claim for misconduct (because he swore at his boss's brother after being being called incompetent among other things). So yeah, that's awesome. It means S has to have a conference call with his former boss and a mediator to tell their sides of the story and then see who they judge is in the right. Which is funny because his boss wasn't even in the state when it happened. And I'm not holding my breath that he'll get to come out on the winning side; this'll be awesome for his PTSD/depression.
On a lighter note, I found cheap(ish) plane tickets to visit my darling baby niece and we're headed to the Great North on Thursday afternoon to spend the weekend. It'll be 4 months since we saw her the first time and by the time we do, she might even be crawling. I'm not much of a baby person, and of course I'm totally biased, but she's the most adorable baby!
Well, lunch break is over. Best get back to it since I'm the only breadwinner in the house now. My joking about being a sugar mama has come true! Oh nos!

new year, new you?

Not really new me. Just more of me. I've apparently put on 20lbs in the last 2 years. This would be since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, but the meds are supposed to keep any weight gain in check. Of course, then there's the moving in with S, plus even more settling in since we bought the house 10 months ago. Not to mention I've been on prednisone for 2 months.
Despite getting my ever-expanding behind to the gym 3 to 5 times every week, I seem to have a problem. I'm going to have to step it up even more in the minutiae that is calorie counting because I am seriously failing at something. And I'm pretty sure it's not that I now belong to a gym. Never in my life have I been a runner, but I actually enjoy the treadmill (to an extent). Maybe it's because I did a 5k in a decent time and didn't explode. Admittedly, it wasn't 100% running, but even 5 minutes at a stretch with intervals of jogging is impressive for me who couldn't finish the mile back in hs in the time required. In fact, I would totally go to the gym twice a day if work didn't hinder me. Mayhap the lottery pool at work will allow me to ramp up my gym activity. (Come on, big money!)
In one week, I should be done with the steroids. *fingers crossed* Hoping there will be no symptoms that lead me to have to start back on them. Maybe then I'll be able to dig in and at least lose 5lbs by my birthday on the 1st. Even 10% of my body weight at this point is a low goal. But I do have a workout buddy & that is some motivation. I always hated the thought of someone seeing me in all my red, sweaty glory, but the high from the workout has diminished my vanity to some extent. Perhaps I'm less concerned in my old age.
So this is my non-resolution, new year's resolution. Get healthy, stay healthy and encourage those around me to be healthy.

tgif

even though it's no longer friday (whew! saturdays are so much better as there is no getting up and going to work involved), i'm still glad i made it to friday.
this past week was okay, but the last two weeks at work were complete torture. my boss always takes spring break week off to visit her bf, the plastic surgeon, in la. fine, we knew that and the new girl was aware, but then we found out that both boss & new girl were going to be gone that friday, leaving 2 to do the job of 4. my coworker and i managed to get through the day since half the docs were gone leaving the clinic almost manageable. whew! crisis averted, or so we thought. come monday morning (almost 2 weeks ago now), we show up to discover that boss has an 'emergency' and isn't going to be back that week and no idea when she will be back. not that she bothered to inform us or even be in contact. and the coworker who'd helped me on friday was off half wednesday and all thursday and friday because she was getting a colonoscopy. that left new girl & i alone for two full days and she hadn't even been working in the clinic for much more than a month. what the h#ll!?!? that means we got 30 minutes of break in a 9 hour day (rather than leave the other person alone for a full hour to answer phones, schedule patients at the desk & try to complete orders and paperwork). and these were full clinic days, not slow spring break days.
finally our retired administrator, who came in to inform us that our boss was gone, said that boss would be back tuesday this last week and forwarded us the e-mail. the e-mail she forwarded? boss's out of office message that she'd set up when she originally left for spring break and intended to be back on tuesday the week she was out for 'emergency'! argh!
so apparently something bad went down with bf or his practice or something. and boss showed up on monday, didn't really say anything to us, so we're still in the dark. when one of the receptionists asked if everything was okay she got all teary, then pulled herself together, but didn't say a word about why she was gone or thank us for keeping the place from completely falling apart without her. oh! it still makes me steam! i do understand that 'something' happened and i'm sorry for her for that, but she didn't even really acknowledge the position she put us in at all.
or maybe i'm just being a b#tch...

disowned

i realize it's been over a month since i last posted & i really meant to post something sooner, but work has been hectic and on the weekends we're exhausted.
so my parents were here this weekend, which was great. i enjoyed having them here and it wasn't inordinately stressful like it can be. they got home tonight after their 800 mile trip that started yesterday and called me back to say they'd arrived (since i'd called them a couple times on the home & cell phones). dad told me they'd stopped to see my great aunt ida, his mom's sister who is in her 90s. i knew i shouldn't have asked and i held my tongue for a while as he described their visit. finally, i couldn't hold back anymore and said, "what happened to herman?" they had been married for something like 65 years and when they moved into assisted living it was nice because it was right across the street from the house they'd lived in for 50 years, so they were in the same neighborhood.
dad's response, "herman died in november." and i can hear mom in the background yelling that it was january. january 13.
um, that's more than 6 weeks ago. i had even asked for their address to send them a christmas card. i am so upset.
"we thought we told you" was their response.
'cause that's such a good excuse. i don't live in the same town so i'm not enough a part of the family to even need to know that someone passed away. if they get around to it, then they'll tell me. and this isn't the first time this has happened. relatives die, have babies or get married. and i'm the last to know, like it's my fault i didn't stay 5 miles from where i grew up.
i'm very hurt and i don't even know what i'm supposed to do to fix this. they're more than aware how this makes me feel. i haven't held back before, but apparently it hasn't sunk in to them yet.

some things, recently

s is the best. yes, indeedy. despite the many times (each day) i want to smack him for tapping his foot or my leg or any other repetitive motion, he is the bestest. earlier this week, when i did my taxes (yes, i filed my taxes on mlk day), i mentioned that i wasn't so sure how the whole blogher thing was going to fit in our budget, what with the whole buying a house business and whatnot.

he looked at me, quite sincerely, and said, "we'll make it work out somehow because you had so much fun this summer meeting people and it made you so happy."

is that not the sweetest thing? and having done my taxes, i have enough money from my refund to pay the registration fee and take care of my car tags (almost $200!!! why is it so expensive? i drive a frickin' toyota! a2005 camry is not a luxury car by any stretch. nor was my 2001 passat george and that was maybe $10 cheaper. ouch!) with a tiny bit left over for a rainy day emergency. that was exciting news on monday night and i was looking forward to an extended stay in nyc longer than a layover.

but now i'm still a little up in the air about being able to go because even more shiz is going down on this whole house thing. friday we were supposed to have the financing in place according to our offer to the seller and the bank was aware. all day i was giving myself an ulcer waiting to hear from the loan officer, getting calls & e-mails from our realtor asking if i'd heard anything yet because the clock was ticking down. all for naught (not?), right? oh no, the underwriters didn't sign off on it because we are short $$$ for the closing costs. you know, the closing that isn't happening for another month! between us we'll be getting 3 more paychecks from now to then. and guess how much we're short? oh, the exact amount of my tax refund. how serendipitous!
so that's all fine and dandy, but they still won't approve the financing until it's in the account. the realtor has me sign an extension request for 1 week to get the financing finalized. 1 lousy week, just until next friday. and my loan officer is best buds with the seller's realtor, so he's like no problem, he'll understand and everything'll be copacetic.

nope, the seller is still freaking out as far as i know and hasn't signed the extension because he has less than 5 weeks until he closes on the other house he's buying. actually, he's closing the same day we're closing. so despite his realtor explaining that this is a minor glitch (the money will be there next week one way or the other because my parents will either wire it to us until my refund comes back or the refund should be in the bank next week anyway) and things like this happen on occasion. if he backs out now, we're screwed and there's no way in h-e-double hockey sticks he's going to find another buyer willing to pay the same amount and get financing in place in less than 5 weeks. the place was on the market for over 2 months and no one nibbled until we looked at it and eventually made an offer a month after our first showing.
this morning we had to head over to coldwell to sign a revised statement saying that the financing is only contingent on the closing costs, which will be in place this week, and now we have to wait to hear if the seller's agent can talk him into agreeing and signing our week extension. hopefully he'll call by this afternoon to say things are back on track and we can wait until the bank gets its act together and comes through with the money.

and i haven't even mentioned the fact that the week before last my doctor diagnosed me with hypothyroidism, my fave coworker accepted a nursing position at the other hospital, our clinic administrator is retiring the same day coworker is leaving, s's old unit is being deployed again to iraq and tomorrow is his official last day in the military so i have to bake brownies, my/pioneer woman's sweet potatoes and make peaches & cream salad for the party. whew! guess i'll save something for another day because the monster needs to go out now.

the horror of friday the 6th

nobody ever talks about the bad luck present on friday the 6th. usually i'm more a proponent of booing monday the 13th. a combination of garfield, a case of the mondays and triskaidekaphobia.
so this morning has been a real treat thus far. it started when i took grover out this morning and i nearly concussed myself. i bent over to take off his collar in the entryway and when i stood up, bashed my head on the stair railing. this, of course, was not enough of a way to begin the day. while attempting to dab some rubbing alcohol on the bruised spot, i oversaturated the cotton ball and dripped a big drop in my eye. as i'm flailing around, my major concern is dumping over the nearly full bottle on the counter and yell at s to come help me. eventually i managed to rinse my eye out and it only stings a little now. on the way out the door to work, i bent over to pick up grover and put him in his crate and i heard a ripping/popping noise. yep, split my pants. admittedly, they’re over 10 years old and very well worn, but that doesn’t make me feel much better.
if this is how friday the 6th is, can you imagine what traveling on friday the 13th will be like next week? don't even want to know what else is going to happen today! hopefully i won’t have anymore updates.

halloween costume ideas & absenteeism

yep, been mia for a while now, at least here on my own blog. sorry for the lapse, but there's even more of nothing to write about lately. life is pretty dull, only thing that's been going on is the monotonous day-to-day of work & then nothing of interest when i get home.
we are going to vegas in about 4 weeks so any suggestions or ideas for must-see, must-do, must-eat are welcome.
also, s & i are invited to a halloween/housewarming party on the 30th, so trying to come up with some costume ideas. i wouldn't even bother, but the invite reads "Halloween costumes strongly recommended; if you do not wear one, one will be provided for you." which frightens me. here are some of the ideas i've been tossing around:

salt & pepper
jack & jill
plug & socket
mac 'n cheese
pumpkin pi
a salt & battery
hansel & gretel
pair of dice
hurry up & wait
almond joy & mounds
upper & lower gi
lady & the tramp
burger king & dairy queen
spoon & fork
sick & tired
war & peace
peace & quiet
princess & the pea
nuts & bolts

(if you need to inquire as to what any of these actually involve, just ask.)
lunch break is almost over & i'm working 8 to 6 today because i'm leaving early for some errands on wednesday & we're now required to work late one night a week because apparently no one returns calls to schedule appointments between the hours of 8-to-5 despite numerous messages. they're hoping we'll catch people at home from 5 to 6 and get them scheduled. ha! didn't work the last two times we tried it, but hey, they're all about beating a dead horse.

ack!

i'm about to leave & the gps my parents sent me (so i could "find" my way home to nodak for my brother's wedding next month) is drained of charge. and they sent the wrong power cords. oh dear!
hopefully the googlemap directions i printed off at work will suffice. although suzanne's sister tells us that there's a construction detour. argh! it will be sheer luck if we get to suzanne's parents' place this afternoon and to the sheraton eventually.
better pack up the laptop now, take out the grover monster & hit the road. wish me luck!

doesn't it just figure?

after years of dealing with blemishes and breakouts well into my 20s, i've finally had some decently clear skin for the past 6 months or so.
as of yesterday, i could feel something brewing to the side of my nostril. one of those painful, hard, red bumps just under the skin. it is progressively getting more red as the day progresses, despite my valiant attempts not to touch it. (must feel how big it's gotten!) this just figures the day before i leave for blogher and attempt to make a good impression on all the cool ladies. yeesh!

rawr

i really want pancakes for dinner!
that is all.

free roxana!

this morning, while checking my e-mail on yahoo i see an article titled "us journalist sentenced to 8 years in iran" or something similar. my first thought is 'oh no! please don't be roxana!' as i click and a new window opens to reveal a familiar face.
roxana saberi graduated from my alma mater, concordia college, a couple years ahead of me. it's not a huge school & i knew of her while we attended, but don't know her personally. over a month ago, i was led to a facebook group, release and return journalist roxana saberi from ir custody.
this seems to be the classic case of a country that trumps up whatever charges it wants to convict someone they deem a 'threat'. she had been living in iran the last 6 years as a freelance journalist, with dual citizenship (her father is iranian and her mother japanese & live in fargo, nd). as i understand it, roxana was initially charged with purchasing a bottle wine, illegal in muslim iran. then, they charged her with illegally practicing journalism after her press credentials were revoked in 2006. this morning reports of her trial, a one-day affair behind closed doors that her father was not allowed to attend, say that she has been convicted of espionage, spying & reporting back to the us government, and sentenced to 8 years in prison. she has already been held in evin prison outside tehran since january and is understandably deteriorating mentally and emotionally, if not physically. she has been talked out of a hungerstrike once. i cannot imagine being held in an iranian prison, let alone being a woman imprisoned in these circumstances.
this is truly a travesty of justice. her father says roxana told him that she had been coerced into confessing and recanted the charges. both senators from north dakota have expressed their concerns and hilary rodham clinton is involved as well and presented a petition to the iranian government. roxana's lawyer (thank goodness she has a lawyer!) has stated that he will appeal the conviction.
please, please, please if you are so moved, say a prayer for roxana or contact your own congressperson. i will be.

chiver

you know that noise your teeth make when you're so cold you can't even shiver without your teeth chattering? yeah, i'm pretty sure there's no heat in my apartment. the only thing keeping me warm is the laptop sitting on my legs.
-18 degrees when i took the bus in to work. not any warmer now. i may just curl up under my down comforter with the mattress pad heater and hibernate until s calls when he's done with game night. yikes!

bigotry

oh how i love being awakened from s's cozy bed at 2am by the sounds of shouting and an imminent fight outside his house. his bedroom window faces the street, which is more than 5 blocks from the downtown bar scene. somehow 3 friends of his roommates' friends (2 guys & a girl, who i swear are underage, but hey, they let 19 year olds in bars here, so long as they 'don't drink') ended up sitting on the stoop since both roommates, aye indeed everyone in this here house, were asleep at that time.
and lo, the screaming and name-calling and fight-inducing began. not necessarily with the sketchy 'friends' on the stoop, but some other lovely neandertals, one of whom started screaming 'faggot!' and 'pussy!' repeatedly to taunt some other not-so-bright male who happened to be outside.
now as an insult, neither really works. there's nothing wrong with being a faggot, per se (i prefer other words, but meh, i love my gay friends) and perhaps if you, being male, have an issue with pussy & find it an insult, then maybe you are gay yourself. whatcha gonna do?
a number of factors (this not being my house, response time of police, my lack of voice & snotty head due to a nasty cold that is still causing me to hack up phlegm balls this morning) prevented me from opening the window into the 40 degree chill & screaming back at them that they were complete morons & get the hell out of here because i'd called the cops to report a hate crime. s went down in his robe to let the people on the stoop in, but things slowly dissipated after that. (perhaps very large occupier of house coming outside while the two drunk douchebags fight probably brought them enough to their senses to go away or at least move to another vicinity)
and now i'm headed downstairs to dig up some dayquil. pretty sure the random folks are still crashed out on the various furniture down there. yay!

not sure what to post

i'm a little slacking in blog-life in the past week. not much going on around here. that could be a good thing or a bad thing.
having dinner with s tomorrow night. we haven't been able to do our customary monday night dinner for a couple months since he started working in loss protection. unfortunately, he was laid off on saturday after getting his 60 day review. his boss was told she only had 89 hours to fill each week, including her 40 hours/week, for 4 people. since s had only been there for 2 months, that meant he was the one to go. i guess he can collect unemployment until he gets a new job since he's almost done with the military & won't be getting his monthly check from drill (the one weekend a month training/work they do in national guard) soon. i'll be glad for him to be out, though.

grrr, insurance bills

today i received a bill for $118 from the hospital (where i work). reading it over, i found out it was for 'cytology' during my annual well-woman exam (gynecology nurse practitioner) on 7/1/08. the only thing i had done was a regular pap smear and exam (that part was covered). found my explanation of health benefits form & it said the reason it was denied was that testing must go through my pcp or co-care provider. my np is my primary & if your gynecologist isn't a "co-care provider" then who is? it was covered last year (6/28/07, so it didn't overlap) & why would an annual well-woman exam be covered, but not that testing every year?
and to think, i want to become an insurance claims/biller/coder. i'll be calling bcbs tomorrow and find out exactly why this is a problem and if necessary contact sue (my np) to either resubmit or fight this. i'm almost 30. having an annual pap is preventative for more expensive conditions that insurance would need to cover; you'd think they'd want to avoid paying for treatment for dysplasia or cervical cancer or something.
rargh!


today i also had my 7 week remicade infusion. totally flipped out on s this morning because i was worried about having an allergic reaction again. this pretty much exacerbated all the other worries & insecurities in my head, so i let it blow all out of proportion. got upset about not knowing exactly what's happening in my life (work, love, etc) & i feel like i'm forcing myself on s to spend time at his house. at 7am s was the only one who was there to vent to, so he took the brunt of it.
i only broke out due to the benadryl & zantac (who knew that stopped allergic reactions, too?). yes, i had a reaction to the drugs that keep you from having an allergic reaction! where the iv entered my arm, all the veins were inflamed like a spiderweb up to my elbow while the drugs pumped into my system. it was weird & my arm felt cold to the touch in that spot (inner forearm below the elbow.) it went away before they started the actual remicade and i didn't break out in hives this time. not sure if it was the zantac/benadryl combo or the fact that they only infused it at 60ml/hr at the fastest. i broke out last time when they upped it to 80ml/hr.

flop house?

here's the long-awaited list of problems with the house s is living in for the next year. (i hope this works because i don't know how to link google docs for public viewing yet.)
and i didn't catch everything. one of the other guy's mom thinks they need to send the list to the housing authority (what w/ a decades-if not 100 yr-old house & peeling asbestos paint, no egress, mold in the bathrooms, etc). and cc the property management/slumlord. they (read s & i) already dropped off this list at the place because they were given 3 days to say whether the place is liveable.
s has finally decided that he's not going to shower there anymore because the wall behind the plastic showerstall/liner is pulling away & damaged and there is pretty much no caulk along the edges of the tub & shower area to keep it up. yergh! he informed me he'll be showering at my place tonight.

cut out?

so i just found out that my brother & his fiancee will have 7 attendants each for the wedding next august. and i may not be asked to be in the wedding. or maybe just as a reader. that seems like a slap in the face if i'm not included in my only sibling's ceremony. my mother doesn't see how that's an issue. really? it's not insulting that immediate family (there's only the 4 of us-mom, dad, brother & i) doesn't participate? oh, okay mom. i won't take it that way, then.
i doubt that she, the fiancee, will neglect her future sister-in-law's involvement (apparently after she said yes, the first thing she asked when she was going to get to meet me), but that my own family don't think it's an important thing boggles my mind. we've always been close-knit & weddings aren't a big deal to me, but my little brother only gets married once (i hope).
should i not be hurt by this? yeesh, even s understands.

hives again

so i'm breaking out in red blotches an hour into my infusion. not as bad as last time, but i knew to look for them. apparently they're just gonna give me more iv steroids and keep infusing, which means i'll be here the rest of the freakin' day! it's gorgeous outside. at least when i'm at work i don't have the tease of windows letting me see the lush green grass and bright sun bouncing off the bricks of my church across the street.
le sigh.

update-so i was in the chemo suite getting my infusion from 8.45am until 4.15pm today. at least i got over 800 words written & i am now surpassing the 1,000 word mark for the day. things are flowing quite nicely for the time being. i can see the end in sight! then what'll i do with myself.

msg + sodium nitrites + caffeine

equals unbearable migraine


ouch!

dream blob

no, i'm not going to share my dreams in detail. i've just been having a recurrent theme recently. no less than 3 times in as many weeks, last night included, i've dreamt that i was late getting back from my lunch break. and i don't mean 5, ten, fifteen minutes late either. some hijinks would ensue where i was halfway across town (i think for some reason last night i was standing in line to meet the pope & i'm not even catholic!) and have to explain why i was 3+ hours late to my boss. perhaps this has to do with the fact that i've been taking a late, but not long, lunch for the past couple weeks because of being short-staffed. or that i'm trying to sabotage myself & get fired or maybe just because i hate my job in general.

le sigh.